I never knew I’d feel this.
This excruciating
pain.
They say,
it’ll pass.
But I’m not sure if I’ll fully recover.
It happened in my junior
year.
Valentine’s Day had passed and
I was just recovering from the trauma of not having a date. The truth is, I’ve
broken up with my boyfriend a few days before Valentine’s. I knew I was a bit
harsh (if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. We’ve talked already so we’re cool
right?). But it was how I felt. If I hadn’t done it, I’d be lying to myself, I’d
be a hypocrite. There was nothing between us now, I couldn’t find any sense of belonging with him. We’ve become strangers.
Dawn broke, and February 18th
came. Last night was great. It was our Juniors-Seniors Prom. It was a
bitter-sweet success for me since I’m part of the committee and had helped in
making that event perfect. I pushed myself to the limit just to make sure that
everything was just as how my adviser wants it. As the junior’s Governor, it
was my job to do so, with or without compliments.
For the first time, my
almost-lesbian-ish best friend seemed like a real lady in her golden strapless
casual dress, paired with 5 inch heels. I was very happy for her. In fact, I was
happy for everyone. But none of them felt how I felt, so, it was weird.
12:20
am
1 text message received.
“Jade, he texted me.”
It was my best friend, she
told me that her cousin just texted her. The guy I’ve had a crush on since
sophomore year. I’ve already met him, though not formally.
“Oh? Really? What did he say?”
“He just wanted to talk. Want
his number?”
“Nah! Just give him mine. He’ll
text me if he wants to.”
And he did.
We got into talking and to
make the story short, we became a couple.
It was going great. He seemed
like a great guy. I’ve even had the honor to talk to his Mom, and his brother
and sister.
There was just this
teeny-tiny detail. He spoke Japanese and not that much English and Waray so I
had to adjust and speak only English and Tagalog when I talk with him. I even
tried to learn Japanese. LOL. (Now that I’ve thought of it, that was very
cheezy, and since, we’re not together anymore, I’ve decided to drop it and
learn Korean instead.)
*People are shocked that I am fluent in 3 languages
(Waray, English and Tagalog) despite of the fact that I come from Visayas.
Dude, that’s so racist. Just because we’re from Visayas doesn’t mean that we’re
stupid or something. I hate it when they ask “Are you really from Samar?” FTW!!
What about Alodia Gosiengfiao? Isn’t her family from Catarman?*
Going back to my story since I kind of drifted off
back there.
He had some mistakes too. Duh, he’s human. I could
forgive that. But what I couldn’t understand was why he cheated on me. It was
great in the start but was getting in my nerves as it went on. He could’ve told
me the truth. It’ll be okay with me if he only said that he didn’t feel
anything for me anymore. I mean, who am I to force him?
Don’t get me wrong. He’s not bad. It just didn’t work
out. I remember when he would want to break up. When I asked him if it’s what
he wanted and he said yes, I didn’t reply anymore. What’s the point of
pleading? But then, after a few minutes, he’d text me again and say sorry and
that he didn’t mean it. Nabigla lang daw
siya. Pathetic excuses. It’s what they always say.
One time he wanted to be a priest. Hooray!! I was
shocked. I mean, he should’ve thought about that before courting me. After a
few weeks, he decided again not to be a priest. Thank God.
He is a member of a fraternity. (I learned that from
my best friend) I never really knew that and believed that until I saw his
tattoos. So, it was for real. Good riddance! Maybe that’s the reason why he
wanted to be a priest? So that all his sins would be forgiven? Or maybe to
voluntarily pay for what he had done in the past?
I don’t know. And now, I don’t
care.
I don’t really remember how we broke up.
It just happened.
We just stopped talking and that was it.
Maybe it was around June when he texted me again. Basically
because my best friend just couldn't bear to see me cry all night, so she did
something about it.
He lied to me.
He told me he was leaving for Germany.
But of course he wasn't.
He wanted me to wait for him for two years and he’d be
back for me. Imagine that. It’s so brutal especially when you know now that he
already has a girlfriend. It’s been barely six months! It’s not even a year
yet!
Anyway, it was a good thing that I didn’t wait for
him. My best friend gave me that tip. She knew that we just can’t trust a man. He
has his needs, you know.
After 6 long months. I still don’t know what to do. I mean,
I still get hurt with news like that. But I shouldn’t right?
I need to wake up now.
Leave that fantasy behind.
It’s all but a part of my vivid past.
I should thank him despite of the heartaches,
For that experience has molded me into a person that
cannot be easily hurt and fooled.
Now, I’m ready to face the hues that dawn brings.
I never knew I’d feel this.
This excruciating
pain.
They say,
it’ll pass.
And now, I’m
sure it will.
